
I was excited by what would follow when I decided to retire early: time to write, time to volunteer, time to pay attention to myself, at last. But I also knew this decision would change the course of our relationship. My partner was doing great in their career and spending their free time listening to music. We had always thought we would retire almost at the same time and I feared this difference would put a gap between us. (Relate and Age UK offer relationship counselling and advice for couples facing life transitions, including retirement.)
That turns out not to be the case, rather, it has brought us closer in ways I did not expect. By staying open with each other, communicating about every aspect of our relationship, we have succeeded in this new chapter, with love.
This is our story and what we learned for anyone else on a path like this.
Why Early Retirement was Right for Me
After working professionally for many years, I felt I had sacrificed for far too long and it was time to change. I wanted a life in which I could chase my dreams. I was ready for this new stage, which included starting my own business, writing and volunteering.
My partner, though, was somewhere else. They loved their work, it meant the world to them and would happily as happy carrying on. But this meant we had to do some soul searching.
We sat down and talked. A lot. These conversations were helpful in setting expectations, addressing potential frustrations and crafting a vision for how we would balance our lives and our relationship.
Emotional Preparation for Becoming First to Retire
I had a set of very mixed feelings after I retired. It was thrilling to be free but I felt aimless without work. My partner meanwhile was still dealing with the pressures of their career, which sometimes felt completely in contrast with mine.
How We Bridged the Gap: Those morning walks were therapeutic for us. We carve out some time each day to talk, catch each other up on work (theirs and mine), share goals and just enjoy the quiet. We also tried to regularly celebrate each other’s wins, whether that was their promotion at work or my new project. These tiny rituals of care helped us remain in one another’s hearts and minds.
Planning Financially for an Early Retirement
Money talks were important. Because we share finances, we needed clear plans for how my retirement would affect us both now and later. Every couple is different, but here’s what we did:
Together, we outlined specific milestones:
Short term: Tracking and living on our shared expenses
Mid-Term: Putting together travel funds for later
Long term: Setting up a plan for both of us to retire and live life together
We turned our focus from things to experiences, savouring special dinner dates and weekend getaways while still being financially responsible. And we have quarterly money check-ins to make sure we’re on track and make any changes we need.
One especially useful strategy was splitting out “fun money” accounts. It gave us the freedom to pursue our own interests without guilt and no lengthy discussions about every individual purchase.
Finding the Right Balance between Freedom and Togetherness
Perhaps the single biggest lesson I have learned has been about the importance of independence as we work to keep our relationship thriving. We plan regular date nights and Netflix marathons. I lend an ear when they need to process work-related dilemmas and they cheer on my writing and my volunteer work.
Not having the same schedule actually made us cherish our time together even more. I really care about my partner’s day and I’m excited to hear how their day went when they get home from work. And because I was able to take time to pursue my own interests, I also have fun stories to tell.
Balancing Work as a Team
At first, I thought at least with all that free time I should be doing more around the house. But over the years, we realised that balance made us both happier. Chores are evenly divided and in cases of tasks neither one of us likes to do such as cleaning, for example, we do them together.
Gratitude: Genuinely thanking your partner for the everyday things they do, like tidying the house or making you dinner, maintains a healthy level of respect and rapport in your partnership.
The Power of Communication
Communication has been the glue so to speak in keeping us strong during this transition, now more than ever.
Our regular morning walks provided the opportunity for regular chats, chance for updates, celebrate progress and air concerns before they turn into bigger issues.
The Future: Charting a Shared Retirement
While we are currently at different stages of life, we both feel great about what the future holds. We began making plans for trips, discussing projects we are going to do together and imagining what full retirement will look like.
Making it Work
Although early retirement has been a rewarding experience, it has it’s own challenges. Navigating this new phase involved some obstacles (an example was the initial loneliness) we did not anticipate that required some patience, communication and compromise. The fact that I retired early before my partner has helped us learn how to support one another, and also how to maintain some independent balance as a couple.
If staggered retirement is part of your plans, embrace it with an open mind, patience and a spirit of co-existence. But it can also, with the right mindset, be a period to strengthen your bond and develop a thriving partnership despite contrasting routines.